The Silent World of Domestic Violence

*Shatter* the sound announcing an end to the object's flight; followed by the slamming of a door and the haunting screams of two adults arguing; their voices echo through the walls before being silenced by the piercing wails of Police sirens. 

With such unforgettable sounds, how does Domestic Violence continue to live silently amongst us?

Domestic Violence affects more than 10 million men and women in the U.S each year. That’s 10 million only in the U.S. The numbers combining other countries would be overwhelming, so why do we not talk about it? Teach it? Be aware of the signs and ways to avoid, escape and recover?

Unfortunately, one of the silent horrors of DV is the abuser’s control over their victim, and speaking up or questioning the abuser’s behavior could put a victim in further danger. Survivors who have escaped find it difficult to talk of their experience due to the trauma and conditioning of their thoughts that they endured

When putting it this way, it’s no wonder there isn’t a lot of daily chatter on the topic. It’s too dangerous or too traumatizing. 

But if it wasn’t for a DV warrior who wrote about his journey, I would have never been able to start mine.  With 10 million men and women affected each year, I encourage others to share DV facts and stories.

Effects on Children

Anyone would agree DV is devastating on children, but more than yelling, screaming or the occasional bruise a child raised in an abusive household can suffer mental health disorders and stunt the growth and function of their brain. A child is venerable and requires safety which is provided by the parent, but when the child is denied safety and put in danger by their own parent, the child often encounters and grows up in trauma, which can lead to several concerns.

• Approximately four million referrals for alleged maltreatment are made to child protective agencies each year.
• Researchers have estimated that between 3.3 million and 10 million children are exposed to adult domestic violence each year.
• One researcher has estimated conservatively that at least 10 to 20 percent of children are exposed to intimate partner violence annually, with as many as one-third exposed at some point during childhood or adolescence. (Source)

A child raised in an abusive household can show symptoms of,

• ADHD
• ADD
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Night Terrors
• Eating Disorder
• and Schizophrenia to name a few

 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder 

Despite the stigmas, PTSD is a common result of DV regardless of age, gender, or nationality.

And can include symptoms like

• Insomnia or Night Terrors
• Anxiety
• Panic Attacks
• Rage 
• Manic Emotions
• Sudden Mood Swings

 

I won’t go into the traumatic effect of DV right now, but you will find more Here (coming soon)

Types and Groups of DV

When you hear Domestic Violence or DV chances are you think of the relationship between intimate partners, and you wouldn’t be 100% wrong, but you'd only be referring to a specific group within DV known as Intimate Partner Violence or IPV.

IPV is a popular group within DV but DV can include the abuse of anyone within the domestic home-like Babies, Children, and Elders. 

Are your stomachs turning by now? Take a few breaths as we continue.

 

Trigger Warning

 

The horrific acts of abuse one encounters can include any form of 

Physical assault- inflicting physical harm or unwanted physical contact upon a person

Sexual assault- Attempted rape, unwanted sexual touching, forcing a victim to perform unwanted sexual acts or rape.

 Neglect- denying food, water, or hygienic care

Emotional abuse- manipulating the victim through their emotions, bullying, and shaming. A tactic used to control the victim by isolating, discrediting, and silencing them.

Psychological Abuse- Manipulating the victim to question their own sanity, abuse tactics damage the brain and lead to an alarming list of medical illnesses (The main focus of RosiGoldx, I also show how one can recover. more on Recovery), 

Financial Abuse- control over the victim’s finances, denying them access to money or forcing them to remain unemployed. The most common way an abuser keeps their victim trapped. 

Medical abuse- This can include improperly giving unnecessary or high dosages of drugs to their victim, or yes, some abusers will go as far as having their victim deemed mentally unstable in the medical world in hopes no one would believe the victim in an attempt to escape, another horror I learned was common as I sat in the recreational room of a mental hospital (Yep, I was the looney in the looney bin as far as the world was concerned).

Full control is what most abusers work to obtain, and many aren’t afraid to use an array of abuse tactics. 

 

 Domestic Violence Myths vs. Facts.

Myths	Facts
Domestic violence is rare	Roughly 1 in 3 women, and 1 in 4 men are reported victims each year.
Victims of abuse are crazy if they choose to stay in an abusive relationship.	What even is "crazy"? Victims of DV are often faced with Abuse or even fear of Death daily, and what may come off as "crazy" to an outsider can really be them trying to survive knowing leaving can bring harm to pets or loved ones, homelessness, or death
Domestic violence is not a serious problem in the U.S	Battery is the largest cause of injury to women in the United States.  Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States
People who are religious do not abuse or beat on their Loved ones	Unfortunately, many who practice religious practices batter women and children and use their practices to keep it hushed, some leaders religious organizations have been found to abuse the families and Kids of their congregation.  Many religions encourage the union of the relationship because divorce or separation is believed forbidden or a sin.
Victims have done something to cause the abuse.	It's Never okay for someone to be abused or treated with violence. The idea the victim did something that deserved to be beaten enables abusers and draws attention away from their act. People who victim blame often demonstrate abusive behaviors. ✨Red Flag✨
When the abuser is violent, it's because they “lost their temper,” but didn't mean to hurt their partner.	Abusers don't lash out in violence over the loss of their emotions, but instead, use violence as a way to manipulate and control their partner. They are well aware that fear is a powerful emotion and aim to keep their partner in control with it.
Drinking and/or drug use led to Violence	There is a link between alcohol and increasing the chance of an abusers violent behavior, but it does not cause nor excuse it. blaming the alcohol is a way they try to avoid the responsibility when they get caught.
Domestic violence is a one-time event, a single incident that can occur	Domestic Violence is a pattern of events and tactics. Domestic violence can start small and have few events in between a long time frame or it can start small and rapidly become more severe over time.
Domestic violence only affects the adults in a relationship	Domestic violence can affect  anyone living in the household. Children can be traumatized watching their mother or father be beaten, some children end up getting caught in the violence or are the victims of the violent acts Elderly can be impacted and treated with violence in a home too.

 

IMPORTANT:

If you get the chance to talk to someone you know is a victim of DV, you should never try to confront the abuser to help. There are too many cases of the abuser becoming more violent on their victim if made to feel there is a threat to this "sense of control" they have on them. Always be careful about what you discuss with the victim near the abuser or through the phone.

If triggered the abuser can focus their attention on who they see as the cause of threat and the results of this could be anything from trying to control time spent socializing or messing with the breaks of the car belonging to who got involved. Best to reach out and talk when the abuser is not around, it's common in IPV for phone logs, social media accounts, and even locations being tracked, being discrete and subtle is always the better card the play. 

DV Facts

Domestic Violence uses Purple as their awareness Color. This is why the themes color for Rosigoldx is Purple.

DV Awareness Month is October. Guess what else is in October? Halloween. DV fits perfectly into Spooky Season, all the horror movies and scary tales can’t compete with finding out the Abuser/Killer is living in your own home disguised as your mother, father, or the one you love. 

Important Reminders

If you are a victim of IPV or a witness to violence between your parents\guardians. It is important to remember it is not your fault, you have not done anything wrong, and the responsibility does not fall on you. It is important to remember your strength and worth, abusers aim for full control, this is not possible if you hold onto your worth and remain confident in yourself. You are Worthy. This is not forever. I remember the feeling (or lack of feeling) that can come when living and surviving DV for so long. At times it can feel so overwhelming like nothing else is possible. Trust me, so much is possible, I could only hang on to a small thread of hope and here I am. Your Dreams are possible. you don't have to be a victim of DV, you are a Survivor.  

RESOURCES

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or visit their website to chat online 24/7

Domestic Violence Hotline .com (Here)

NCADV (Here)

(More on YouTube. Coming Soon)

 

✨Stay Strong✨Keep Fighting✨